The pain of art

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As I have said previously, I am now proudly claiming the title of artist, it still feels strange but I am owning it and learning to feel comfortable in it.

Art in most forms is an expression of excruciating vulnerability. I have friends who are talented painters and when I see their work I feel as if they have laid their soul bare and naked for the world to see. It is almost too intimate and private and I feel as if I need to cover them up somehow. I have HUGE admiration and shit loads of jealousy for anyone who can paint and draw.

Writing is the same. When I write, I am showing up and sharing my inner most joy and pain. Digging deep into my heart and soul and expressing myself in this way that feels so incredibly liberating and terrifying at the same time.

I think most artists struggle with some issues that are universal to all who choose to express themselves creatively. Self doubt is a biggie. Every time I write, the urge to immediately pull my posts down is enormous, and I struggle constantly with the overthinking overanalysing part of my brain that tells me I don’t know anything and my writing is shit. Fear is another one. What if people don’t like what I have written? What if I show a part of myself that I have previously kept hidden and tucked away. What if people look at me differently? What if I offend someone? I have had to move through and past fear but it still plagues me. I write for myself, but I put it out there on the inter web, so this is something I need to accept. What if I can’t find anything to write about? Well don’t write then! However this is something I am working on. I want to show up, every day regardless of how I am feeling and if I write about the peanut butter on toast I just ate, then so be it.

The more we express ourselves, the more we find to express. The seemingly mundane becomes fascinating and the world becomes an incredibly diverse and beautiful blank canvas on which we can splatter our thoughts and feelings.

Artists go places most people wish they could, but find a million reasons not to. We explore the darkest crevices of our existence. We face anxiety and dread and dig it out of our bellies and share it with the world. Oh it would be so easy just to ignore it, eat it, drink it, numb it, but who are we if we do that? I have done that for too long and it is time now to really explore the primal need that the creative fire in me needs expressed.

I will continue to show up every morning and occasionally I just might write about my breakfast, who knows?

Show up, be brave, express yourself!

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