Eat, pray, thank you

canang

Tonight the boys wanted to go to Apache, the Reggae bar in Kuta and we decided to have a girls night in, so I went and bought a whole stack of movies. As we are in Ubud I thought it would be nice to be completely cheesy and watch Eat Pray Love, even though I’ve seen it before.

I first read the book in 2008 when a dear friend posted it to me in Darwin, where I was living at the time, saying she thought I would love it, and I did. It was also incredibly painful for me to read, as at that time I had realised my marriage was over and I was living in a strange kind of limbo land, mostly miserable and occasionally happy, trying to figure out how to leave. I had tried many times before, without success and at this point I knew it really was time to go.

As I read the beginning of the book, especially the part where Liz talks about sitting on the bathroom floor praying, when she came to the conclusion that she needed to go, I really struggled. I was desperate for my freedom, I knew I had to leave but I felt trapped and unable to make such a massive decision to move on. I feared the ramifications of what needed to happen (and my fears were validated a few months later when I eventually did go, but that’s a whole other story), which was complicated by the situation we were living in at the time as well, and it was an overwhelming but necessary thing to consider. My mental and physical health began to deteriorate and eventually I was left with no choice. The body has a way of letting you know if you don’t listen to the whispers of your soul.

As I read about her travels, oh I envied her so much. I wanted to fly, to be free, to be let loose, to find myself, grow, blossom, pretty well all of the feelings that she had and the experiences that followed for her.

I actually was in Bali in November 2009 when they filmed the movie here, it was 4 months after I had left my marriage, it was my first solo overseas holiday and I loved it. So this is what freedom feels like!

Fast forward to tonight and it was interesting to watch it again, being in a whole different head space. I am here in Bali, with my amazing husband, friends and family and I am completely, totally satisfied with my life.

I met my soulmate a little over six years ago, we are very happily married, and at the same time, I have never felt more free in my entire life. I can’t express the freedom I feel that I am so grateful for. Freedom to choose anything I wish to do, have or be, while secure in the love of an incredible man. This is what a relationship should be. I am not saying we are perfect, because we are far from it, but I now have the freedom I craved for so long, and I didn’t need to travel the world or be alone forever to find it.

So on this first day of 2016, I would like to express my gratitude for every experience I have had which has led me to where I am today. I don’t believe in regrets or what ifs or shoulda coulda woulda’s, tempting as they might be. All of the choices I made, at the times that they needed to be made, have led to this wonderful life.

May you always be free.

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One thought on “Eat, pray, thank you

  1. Pingback: Liz Gilbert – my musings | Rae-Anne

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