Tonight I felt like writing but wanted to be challenged by being given a topic by someone else, so I asked my Facebook friends and family and beautiful Noma suggested I write about getting older.
Having just turned 50 a few weeks ago, this is actually quite timely for me.
To be completely honest getting older scares the absolute shit out of me. I can’t explain it in any logical way that would make sense but suffice to say I’m terrified. Of course I appreciate the sentiment of not everybody having the opportunity to get older, but it doesn’t make it any less scary for me.
Why do I fear it? On some level it is because I have this ridiculous notion that my best years are somehow behind me. I have this idea that if I didn’t do this or that, or look this way or that or have Linda Hamilton arms in my 30s then it’s never going to happen now. Of course that is crazy, there are some incredible women doing amazing stuff who are much older than me, but the reality is that there are more years behind me than ahead and it freaks me the fuck out. Seriously.
I am scared of ailing physical and mental health. I am scared of losing family and friends. I am scared of losing freedom and flexibility, I am scared of losing independence. I am terrified of losing my memory and my faculties. I am shit scared of waiting to die in an aged care facility.
However there are some awesome things about getting older. Freedom and independence are currently mine for the taking. I had my kids young and now have two gorgeous grandchildren I can enjoy with vim and vigour. I travel the world at least three times a year. I am not encumbered by a job where I need to ask for leave. My creative juices are flowing stronger and faster than ever. I live in a time where I can be, do or have anything I want to be do or have.
One thing I have always stated loudly and boldy is that I have NO plans to age gracefully. I will be as disgraceful as I can possibly be. I will keep my dreadlocks, piercings and tattoos and probably get more and add more colour wherever I can. I will wear what is comfortable and looks good, even if it doesn’t match. I will dance and swear and do things that make me feel great and I will continue to love fiercely and wildly. I will laugh at my own jokes and drink too much tea. I will always live without regrets.
As Mahatma Ghandi so wisely said. Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
Here’s to living this one wild and crazy life as fearless and unstoppable old women!