We’ve all heard the saying “one bad apple spoils the bunch”. In terms of fruit we know it can be true, but this saying is most commonly used to express the fact that one person can bring a whole group down.
I have been reflecting on this saying this week following a situation I’ve been in, where one individual did their best to manipulate, lie and cause trouble in what was previously a harmonious and lovely enterprise. To this day I am still unable to figure out this person’s intentions, but he was quite effective at throwing everything off kilter for a few days, which resulted in miscommunication, innuendo and all kinds of upset and confusion. It was his shit, not ours and typical behaviour of somebody who tries to bring others down in order to build themselves up. Very destructive indeed. Fortunately the rest of us were all very transparent and adult about it and were able to resolve it, and our relationship remains solid, as his attempts to destroy it were futile.
My big issue is with any kind of dishonesty. People who know me have heard me say many times that you could cut my arm off and I’ll forgive you, but lie to me and it’s all over. For good. I just can’t take it. I probably need to get to the bottom of why it bothers me so much one of these days, but for now all I know is that it does – a lot. I also have been told by many friends that they know I don’t suffer fools. They also know I cannot pretend, like ever. I definitely don’t have a poker face! If I don’t like somebody, there is never a doubt in anyone’s mind about it. I am not mean or nasty, but I will never be fake and pretentious to someone’s face and awful behind it. I just don’t go there. Fortunately it rarely happens as I do my best to see the good in people as much as possible, but occasionally I get a sense about someone and usually my intuition is fairly accurate. So whenever this person was in my vicinity I just zoned them out. It is the only way I can manage as I just can’t be fake.
The problem with this situation was that for a while, I did buy into this behaviour and began to take it personally and allowed it to have an impact. I was seething with rage and it began to have an effect on me and my actions. I started to blame him for everything and saw him as the cause of all issues, whether he was involved or not. Have you ever had an issue with a person and in the end even the way they breathe bothers you? It was like that. Even the way he walked began to irk me. I started looking for faults and became enraged with the injustices and problems this person was causing, even those that appeared to be out of my control.
The one saying I couldn’t manage to keep in the front of my mind is “what other people think of me is none of my business”. And “nobody can hurt me without my permission”. There is so much truth in both of these and both applied in this situation. I just found myself unable to live by them.
Thankfully it is all over now and I never have to deal with this individual again, and while I am still annoyed, I have calmed down a lot, though I wish I could go back with my 20/20 hindsight and make a whole lot of changes. Wouldn’t that be nice??
As I have said before, I believe that every experience teaches us something, so what came out of this one?
- Always trust your gut, it will never steer you wrong.
- Some people are just fucking idiots. No that’s mean. Or is it? I’ll let you decide.
- Be true to yourself and honour your own truth no matter the situation you face.
- If you can’t resolve an issue openly and with honesty, walk away if something you are doing doesn’t sit well with your integrity or ethics.
- Learn from and be thankful for every single experience.
- Lessons and growth are a wonderful thing.